Long Distance Relationships
By Anurati

Young people may have difficulty being in a long distance relationship, or even talking about the possibility. They’re sometimes awkward to discuss, because they force one to come to terms with whether one’s own relationship would be capable of withstanding the pressures and expectations that come with distance. In practice, they’re even more rare, as they require commitment, communication, time, and trust.

Being in a long distance relationship, I know that I have had to compromise, adjust, recalculate, and reconsider almost every aspect of the relationship. But I also know that the relationship has been made infinitely stronger as a result. The truth is, long distance relationships will force you to assess the quality and the durability of your relationship. Being geographically distanced from your partner can also help you identify whether your relationship is healthy and viable.

Some points to note:

• Long distance relationships will, undoubtedly, result in you and your partner spending less time together than what you’re used to. If you feel as though you’re not able to operate independently, or that you may have been in the relationship with a dependence on your partner, it is probably time for you to consider whether the relationship is a healthy one, as you may be putting yourself in a vulnerable position.
• Distances can have positive results as well. You can concentrate on what’s important to you and your partner, as you will be forced to make the most of the little time you DO have together. Instead of getting absorbed in the little disputes and disagreements, you can focus on what really means the most to you.
• Not being in continuous contact with your partner can also help you lead a more balanced life. You will have more time to pursue diverse interests and hobbies, as well as explore interests that you may not even have yet explored. All of this, then, can contribute to making you a stronger individual.

Tips for approaching distance in a relationship:

• Communicate- It cannot be stressed enough how important communication is in a long distance relationship. Your feelings about several aspects of the relationship may change while you and your partner are distanced, and being open and honest about your own evolving experiences, as well as concerns you have about your partners’ behaviors, will contribute infinitely to health of your relationship. Communicating can also be important in setting the guidelines for the relationship—for example, how often you will be able to talk or what you expect from each other.
• Appreciate- When in person, appreciation can be shown with eye contact, body language, and facial expression. However, since with distance comes the loss of in-person communication, it is even MORE important to verbally express your appreciation of the effort that you and your partner are putting into the relationship. Remember, details that are taken for granted in person, such as a tone of voice or emotion for example, may be quite difficult to understand over the phone or through written communication, so it’s better to use words to explicitly express acknowledgment and appreciation of your partner’s contribution to the relationship. Though things may not be perfect, or how they used to be when you weren’t apart, it is important to continue acknowledging both your partner AND yourself for the effort you are putting in, however seemingly insignificant.
• Relax- Things are going to change with you and your partner being distanced, and it is probably not reasonable for either of you to expect them not to. However, change is not necessarily cause for concern. Time differences and busy schedules, while maybe different from what you are used to, do not necessarily mean you should panic. Communicating, appreciating, trusting, and relaxing will probably make the relationship more enjoyable for the both of you. Just as you will have more time to pursue other activities and build other relationships, so will your partner. New friends, interests, and hobbies do not necessarily mean you are being replaced. Being supportive and interested in each other’s lifestyles, even if only over the phone for a 5 minute period during a jam-packed day, just may keep the relationship going.
• Evaluate- Although it is very possible to make long distance relationships work, you should remember that self-respect and trust should not be compromised at the relationship’s expense. Keep evaluating your relationship to determine whether it’s something you really want to be a part of. Is your partner honest? Is your partner taking you for granted? Sometimes, evaluation means looking at even your own actions. Would you be okay with your partner doing what you’re doing? Are you still investing yourself in the relationship? Evaluation can help you realize the direction in which your relationship is headed, and whether that’s somewhere you want to go. Always keep in mind that a healthy relationship is one you’re happy and proud of being in, not one that burdens you.

Long distance relationships are difficult, no doubt. There will always be those who are skeptical or condescending about you Sand your partner’s abilities to keep things going. But ultimately it’s only up to you, and with patience, trust, and CARE, you can make a relationship survive and work well, even despite the distance.

For more information about relationships, click on the following link http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/youth/health/relationships/index.htm