Story on Dating Violence
By Alicia

We met in chemistry 4th period. He was one of the cutest boys in school and a star on our soccer team. Although he seemed pretty shy to our classmates, he would talk hours on end to me. He made me feel special and I began to feel very strongly towards him. One night we were in my parent’s basement watching his favorite television show. We started French kissing and I felt so pretty and wanted. He leaned me back on the couch and put his hand up my skirt. I wasn’t too sure I wanted to go further since we had only been dating for 2 weeks. I told him I wasn’t ready and he got up and stormed out.

I was concerned I had done something wrong so I called him on his cell phone a few moments later. He didn’t pick up. Later that night my phone rang and I rushed to it, hoping it was him. It was. He said that I act like a baby and that real women have sex. He called me a tease and told me that if I wanted to be his girl that I would have to have sex with him. My eyes started to fill with tears. I knew I wasn’t ready. When I first started high school I made a vow to myself that I’d wait until I was in a long-term committed monogamous relationship with someone whom I loved before I started having sex. But now I’m starting to question myself, and it makes me feel confused. I tell him that I’m scared and he calls me a ‘slut’ for having him in my house when my parents weren’t home. He says, “I probably have all kinds of guys down there just to tease them and kick them out.” But I didn’t kick him out, he just left! I’m starting to get really confused because just yesterday he was telling me how pretty and special I was. Now he’s calling me names? What did I do to deserve this?

Maybe I should have just had sex with him. Maybe he is right. I tell him I have to go and I’ll see him in school tomorrow. He asks me if he can come over again tomorrow and I say...

Dating violence is a widespread problem. There are many different types of dating violence, and no one deserves to be to be treated badly. No one deserves to feel pressured. No one deserves to feel obligated to do something she does not want to do. No one deserves to be called names or treated poorly for making her own decisions. Far too often, young women are told what they must do to please others instead of finding their own voice.

We have all the tools we need -- within our hearts, minds and bodies -- to know what is best for us. We can decide that we are not ready for sex, intimacy or physical contact. And that is ok. Our bodies belong to us and no one has the right to touch us without our permission. No one has the right to put us down for making our own decisions about what is best for us.

The story described above can end in many different ways depending on whether or not this young woman knows she has a right to say and do what she wants. Too often, young women don’t understand that we have rights, but we do! This story shows that we DO have the right to be ourselves and we have the strength is within us to do what is best for us.

He asks me if he can come over tomorrow and I say, “You said very nasty and untrue things about me because you were upset that I told you I wasn’t ready. I do not want to be mistreated by someone I like and if you don’t have enough respect for me to understand my decision to not have sex then I would rather we just be friends.” He hung up the phone and we never spoke again. But I was ok with that. Four months later I met a boy at summer camp, who is supportive and willing to wait until I am ready. I am glad I decided to do better for myself.

>> Return to the Dating Violence Index